From a young (and excited) Finnish Man

Today is a special day. Today is a wondrous day. Today I declare my love for the most beautiful girl in all of Finland. Adonica!  I am going down to the fish market as soon as the boats arrive with the day's catch. I need to be there early to make sure I get the best selection. I've saved up my earnings for months. No mere carp or trout will suffice to show my love. I am going to get the biggest and most beautiful sturgeon at the market.  People tell me that it's not the size of the fish you slap with, it's your slapping technique, but I don't want Adonica to have any doubts about the depth of my feelings. To be doubly sure I've been practicing slapping myself when I'm alone.  I know a lot of people frown on self-slapping, but I know it has improved my technique.  My follow through has gotten so much better and it was surprisingly enjoyable. It was worth it. Today, when I slap Adonica across her face with that sturgeon she will know that I love her like no man has ever loved her before.  She'll know that she'll never want to be fish-slapped by another man in her life.  This is going to be the perfect!